Machete Kills Review

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3/5
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MA
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Multi-tasker Robert Rodriguez (directing, producing, co-editing, working on the FX and music and serving as cinematographer) sequelises his Machete, originally a joke trailer in Grindhouse, and manages one of his most messy and (even for this sort of nonsense) ludicrous efforts.

There are starry and gory pleasures along the way, as super-crusty Danny Trejo returns as the mythical Machete, who after the death of Sartana (uncredited Jessica Alba), nearly meets his end at the hands of Sheriff Doakes (William Sadler) before getting dragged before Mr President (Carlos Estevez AKA Charlie Sheen) and being assigned, with help from Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard), to grab hooker Cereza (Vanessa Hudgens) from brothel madam Desdemona (Sofia Vergara) and KillJoy (Alexa Vega) in order to get close to unpredictable villain Mendez (Demian Bichir), who’s hooked up to a missile created by (spoilers?) apocalypse-craving loon Voz (Mel Gibson in his first time out as a villain – well, onscreen anyway).

Confused yet? Well, if all that wasn’t enough, Michelle Rodriguez is thrown in as the returning Luz, and a thread involving assassin ‘El Camaleón’ or ‘La Camaleón’ goes nowhere, despite the role being filled by Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr, Antonio Banderas and Lady Gaga in her first ‘proper’ acting role and, in one shot, sporting a serious wedgie.

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