LADY GAGA FEAT BEYONCE
TELEPHONE
(UMA)
In the celebrity fantasy land of my mind, Bruce Willis trades Hudson Hawk lines with Bill Murray by a Hollywood pool while Zooey Deschanel and Emily Blunt go shopping at the mall for Chevy Chase flicks on Blu-Ray. All highly unlikely of course, but every now and then the stars give us a peak at their private alliances. The fact that Beyonce and Lady GaGa have collaborated on two tracks in the last few months indicates that even if they’re not yet having pyjama parties, there’s a mutual respect going on. Included on GaGa’s thrilling The Fame Monster revamp, Telephone is a flashy pop tune that would have even Michael J Fox stopping still for a listen. As the icing on the GaGa shaped cake, ‘Telephone’ is also the most original euphemism for pussy in yonks.

THIS WEEK’S SINGLES PICKS INCLUDE:

KASABIAN
UNDERDOG
(SONY)
Why do I own half as many regular bedsheets as fitted sheets, which are shit? Why don’t 21st century Somali pirates stay true to ceremony and fly the Jolly Roger? Why does my wizz smell like Saladas today, even though I haven’t eaten Saladas in five years? Some things in this world just aren’t meant to be explained. Like why the ridiculously awesome live juggernaut Kasabian have been given the shunt to 2pm for the Big Day Out at the Adelaide Showground on Fri Jan 29. It appears that the title of their thundering new single still stands true when it comes to BDO’s timetable poindexters. Suits me though – I’ll take Kasabian’s Tom and Serge down to the pub in the afternoon after their swaggering set and be safe in the knowledge we won’t be disturbed by any Muse, Powderfinger or Jet tocklers.

FUN LOVIN’ CRIMINALS
CLASSIC FANTASTIC
(STOMP)
It’s been 15 years since New York wiseguys Fun Lovin’ Criminals released the Tarantino-sampling Scooby Snacks, but if you believed for a second they may have tired of cartoon takes on gangster tales, think again. Classic Fantastic, their first single in five years, namedrops Al Pacino’s shady Puerto Rican character in Carlito’s Way in the opening line of a song that sounds like a groovin’ Barry White tackling The Hussle. The romantic backing evokes an imaginary ‘70s New York underworld, with frontman Huey tossing in quintessentially American references to Beastie Boys and Oscar Mayer despite now being based in the UK. Schticky and sweet.

GRINSPOON
SUMMER
(UMA)
Phil from Grinspoon has a habit of reading his press and confronting music hacks who contest his genius, so I’ve decided to censor myself for reasons of self-preservation. Summer _____ the_________ boring _______________. The arrangement _____ sub-Custard ______________ smells ________. Subtleties ____ bland _____ dog’s arse. Failure___________, cockhead.

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